IS MARRIAGE FOR ME?

IT'S NOT THE ACTION THAT MATTERS BUT THE REASON FOR IT! For everything that happens in your relationship or marriage, develop the habit of asking yourself why it happened. Your partner does something that surprises you, don't get carried away with the action but just by thinking " why?",  you have become a more understanding and objective person. The reasons why things happen can be so different from the action itself. This makes you a smart and patient person. Look at this!!! Your partner comes home one day very irritated and is shouting about every little you do- by asking yourself why this is happening, you get to watch him/her closely, by watching him/her closely you get to see that he/she is not really angry with you  but maybe even them self for something they didn't do well at work. Now if you didn't ask yourself why, would you have known that this is a time to calm him/her and reassure the person that things will be better? You might have ...

A strong bond separated by miles, how does that work? Some couples might say, even in close proximity there are a lot of challenges then to compound those problems by putting a great distance between them is too difficult. Very challenging ,yes but it may actually work out for some depending on the determination and nature of the couple. Let me explain. First of all, the nature of the couple; individuals in a relationship who are naturally independent people with a high level of maturity and focus can date whilst they live in different countries/states. They are in contact with each other and they have a plan for the relationship, also they are not easily distracted by things around them and even during arguments, they find common ground and settle quite easily. But the brilliant individuals with a somewhat lower level of maturity tend to be distracted from their relationship goals and are dependent on the physical presence of their partner to maintain focus on their relationship ...

How we break up When does a relationship truly end, the day it is officially and vocally declared? When a relationship doesn't work and the couple are done with it, we say they split, breakup, separate-so many terms for the same thing. What we always miss is when that relationship actually ended and how we react to that split. By the time one person tells the other, "I don't think this relationship is working anymore" or however they intend to say it, is not when it ended, it ended a long time ago. People don't just suddenly break up, naaaaa! They have been thinking about it for a while and maybe even discussed with their most trusted friend(s). So I tell you, wherever you are when your partner declares that it is over, take a second to calm yourself. Do not beg! I say this because he/she didn't just suddenly decide this and believe me, it is over in his/her head. The person was just looking for a reason to blame the split on. Your best action would be...

SEXUAL COMMUNICATION  Sex between couples is not just for procreation, it is meant to be enjoyed. Why do we lie about our sexual likes and dislikes to the one person we should be open to? Embarrassment ; that one person in the world that is supposed to love us however we are, needs to know what our sexual appetite is like. This is a crucial conversation that must be held between partners for their relationship to thrive. Don't be embarrassed, this is how we work things out because your partner needs to know to please you and you also need to know how to please him/her equally. Dishonesty ; pretense and deceit during sex or about how we feel about it doesn't help anyone, it only helps get wrong results. No one's sexual appetite should be termed as wrong instead, try to understand why you like it like that, explain it to your partner and let him/her try and adjust to what you like. Without this, neither of you will be able to satisfy each other adequately. Impatience...

Firstly, what we have in common Do you sometimes expect reactions from your partner and be so shocked by what you get? Ofcourse! When my husband and I were still dating, shopping was the worst activity we could ever do together. Now this is not because we dislike shopping, we actually enjoy it but the way we shop is so different. This is the same with almost everything. We enjoy a lot of things in common like cooking; he is great at it and I also have a food website, we both enjoy watching movies; weekends are our Netflix Nights as he would call it, we also enjoy travelling. Differences Men, I always say, are much easier individuals to deal with than women cause we women can be very petty and are easily affected by mood fluctuation when our hormones are allover the place. anyway, I drag my lovely husband into a shop to buy one item , what happens? He walks straight to the shelf to pick the item but I on the other hand know what we've come to buy but I see they have sales, they...

Sex Before Marriage It may surprise you how different cultures react to this topic. In the olden days it was a noble thing for a woman to remain a virgin until she marries but the reality of things in the 21st century is quite different. The religious strongly encourage it for genuine reasons but others emphasize the importance of knowing your man properly before you say "I do". Lets look at both sides: A woman who remains a virgin is said to be pure and undefiled  by any other man, she is regarded with a lot of respect though she does not know much of herself sexually and nothing about how to please her husband sexually in practice. A woman who is no longer a virgin is believed to have been sampled by other men. There are also risks involved in having sex before marriage; apart from contracting sexually transmitted diseases it is also quite common for relations to be built on sexual attraction which makes that relationship temporary.   The reality of things is th...

We promised each other forever, what happened? He sits by the same window every evening watching people and cars go by, time doesn't make sense anymore. Patrick used to have a lovely girlfriend, they were inseparable and his parents adored her. He had no doubt in his mind she was the one he would settle down with so one Christmas afternoon he proposed to her and she accepted; perfect right? This is where the story begins. As like most couples, the first few years were so romantic and they shared everything; laughter, tears, they had no secrets and they knew each other inside out. Time is like the wind and as it passed the realities of life took control of their marriage. First of all, she was facing difficulty having a child, no problem cause he stood by her in it all. Then she began suffering depression as his family members were whispering about her which lead to her weight issues; she was getting fat! He would constantly hold her and tell her he loved her notwithstanding wh...

THE POWER OF ATTRACTION What is it that catches your attention or makes you curious when you meet someone?  I can list a few things that will have this effect like money, power, good looks;  oh a very rich, powerful and handsome man appeals to most women. But these are outward attractions which could be quite temporary, quite different from the genuine allure between people who have something in common. It is strongly believed that like poles repel and unlike poles attract, as seen in chemistry but lets talk about people. We see how individuals of very restless temperament, bursting with life and adventure are usually drawn to gentle and calm people. Volatile and highly irritable people are drawn to patient people. However different their characters may be, there must be some aspects they have in common which is actually what sustains the relationship. All the couples I have met have a story of how they came together and what keeps them together.  These are two...

MEN, YOUR OPINION IS NEEDED!!! Cheating and Flirting are quite different though one is likely to lead to another and it is possible for a person to be both a cheat and a flirt. We have heard so many reasons why people cheat/flirt but this article focuses primarily on men's opinion but women are free to comment. So what is FLIRTING and what is CHEATING? "Flirting can mean many behaviors including but not limited to buying someone a drink, giving compliments, non-sexual huggin g, and playful banter between platonic friends. Flirting is only “harmless” when you’re comfortable telling each other about it without feeling shame, anxiety, or fear. The minute you realize that you feel uncomfortable or even slightly guilty about telling each other about your harmless flirting, it’s a big red flag that something more serious is going on." "Cheating on the other hand is generally defined by any behavior where you are emotionally and/or physically disloyal...

DO PEOPLE CHANGE????? Reviewing situations between seven couples over a period of five years, I noticed some things that would never have occurred to me if I hadn't discussed my observation with a psychologist. Couples get to know each other; their likes and dislikes, personality, attitude changes and in many cases their tendencies. However, in the cases of these couples I reviewed, over five years and they were still surprising each other by things they did. Do people change? Human beings are very complex, they even surprise themselves when situations change, so I tell people always; you only know the true character of a person when he/she: Suddenly becomes rich and powerful Experiences a damaging situation where everything he/she had is lost Is going through grief You depend on someone for great help and such other drastic changes. People do not change but their tendencies are amplified when situations around them drastically change (when push turns...

CAREER vs MARRIAGE  Among the various issues that cause problems between couples DATING or MARRIED, some are probably not so serious but because they keep happening even after the other partner has complained can lead to drastic decisions. Example; this man (Paul) is giving his all to his job and coming home late and too tired for his partner. She keeps complaining, she has tried picking him up early and other measures to work things out. If your partner keeps giving more to his job than to you without even noticing what he/she is doing, how do you solve this problem? Your solution could really help a couple.

IS LOVE REQUIRED RIGHT FROM THE START? I remember when I was in secondary school, my social studies teacher began a topic by "couples get together to date and sometimes marry for various reasons just to list a few; love, money, political alliances, cultural practices..." This brings us to our topic of conversation. We know in history that marriages were arranged by the parents of the couple and most of them lived to see old age. The reasons for this differs; it was shameful t o separate from once's partner so they suffered in silence, in other cases they grew to know and love each other over time. These days we tend to pick our partners ourselves believing we know enough to determine if we can live with our chosen partner or believing that what we feel is almighty love. But we see more divorce/separation cases now. So tell me, is love (or what we believe is love) required from the start or crucial values (respect, honesty, moral, values, similarities, maturity, ...

GIVE WHAT YOU EXPECT   During social events or personal meetings, I have had random discussions with young ladies and men with various complaints about their partner (that is normal, there is no perfect partner). The young ladies seem to have as a priority-a well established man- and then during the discussion It is quite clear these ladies are not half as "ESTABLISHED" as the men they so desire. Young ladies, you have your reasons for wanting such a man but assess yourself properly bef ore you start deciding what type of man you want. To young men who insist on having a woman who adores them- that's a normal thing to want, I guess-but you must understand that a woman needs to be loved. In a relationship, men do fine with respect, loyalty and care but women need affection, loyalty and responsibility. Looking at your relationship/marriage, consider HOW MUCH OF THESE ARE YOU GIVING not just receiving?

ENTER A LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF In so many cases, the feeling of loneliness originates from the strong need of love from others. As much as it is well known that we must love ourselves before others can love us, I must still ask these questions; how often do you look at yourself in the mirror and honestly feel you are so beautiful, take yourself out on a "self" date, explain to yourself the things you can do better (all the things you would do with someone you're in  love with). There is a certain outward appearance you have when you really appreciate yourself, it gives you an unconscious aura of confidence and independence. A short story of a lady I knew in college who was always violently abused by her boyfriend but she would not leave him, I couldn't understand that then. I met her again last year, she was so different; radiant. Over a drink she told me how her life changed when that boyfriend left her. She said she felt she had no reason to live...

This blog will assist each reader on a personal level; For the singles, do you wonder why you are still single or what to look out for in a prospective partner? For the married, as challenging as the beautiful union may be, there are always solutions that work.