IS MARRIAGE FOR ME?

Failed Relationship or Marriage. In most cases, relationships we get into mean a lot to us and we have high hopes for them. When they fail, it could be due to many things that aren't working or one main issue that can't be fixed.   Over the years I have learned not to point fingers if I intend to move forward quickly. I identify where I could have been wrong or what I saw but didnt acknowledge. Its bitter but it's called taking responsibility and it really helps to move on.

Not being hitched to a partner either romantic or not, either same sex or not gives you the opportunity to feel independent and make independent decisions however, it also opens up to you a feeling of loneliness. Being single is a time to get to understand yourself and what you are capable of, a time for self development and achievement because once a relationship of any sort begins, there will be limits and modifications to suit your partner. Some people even get lost in the desire to make the relationship work that they lose track of their goals and dreams. Being single is not a problem, it is a phase. Make the most of it while it lasts.

When couples begin to date or their first hangouts, unrealistic romantic expectations are not the best. Should that relationship survive into a marriage or prolonged dating, those expectations become real desires. Dont start what you cant finish/continue.  If you always buy her roses during this time of the year, just because the ring is on the finger now you feel it's no longer necessary. Instead dont start it. Some people are so afraid of being alone at this time of the year. The fact that you're single or just alone on Valentine's day doesn't mean you cant treat yourself to something sweet. Dont forget, if you dont LOVE yourself first how can you love anyone else? 

"He does everything for me and buys me lovely things but I still don't feel loved! why?"   According to Dr Gary Chapman, we tend to give and receive love through different means, the way you express love may not be the way your partner feels it so read the 5 languages of love to help your partner understand what matters the most to you and identify theirs as well. Spending Quality Time: this involves giving your partner your undivided attention e.g sitting in the living room with the television off while you both just talk to each other, taking walks while you talk to each other. Words of Affirmation:  these are the compliments you pass to your partner like, "you look really good in that outfit", "you have a lovely smile", "you really made my day, you're very kind". Gifts: it's universal to give gifts as a sign of love and appreciation and these gifts don't have to be expensive but something to show your partner is a...

When giving a gift to your partner, is it something you like or something your partner likes? Every time its's Uju's husband's birthday, she buys him lovely expensive cards; Uju loves cards more than any gift you can get her so she buys him cards. Uju's husband Tommy loves sports wristwatches so much, there's something about those watches that just catches his attention wherever he goes so on Uju's birthday, he buys her sports wristwatches. No harm is meant here, just an innocent misunderstanding. Each partner loves the other so much that they are afraid to hurt their feelings by telling them those gifts aren't really what they would like so they just say "thank you darling". First of all, tune into the sort of things your partner loves so much, let your gifts to him/her be within those line. Secondly, be respectfully honest about your opinion of the gifts they get you; you owe them that, by making statements like what Uju could have made fo...

There are two separate aspects of this ;  the longing for children and the management of balance when and if the child/children arrive. THE LONGING : to be frank, this is a situation that plagues many marriages. For one reason or the other, some couples struggle with the ability to have children and this puts pressure on the couple in many ways. In this situation,it is easy to lose focus on the main reason for the marriage being companionship. MANAGEMENT OF BALANCE WITH CHILDREN : for the couples who do have children. Once a child is born to a couple, the child becomes the priority. The safety and well being of the child comes first though there is in many cases a silent struggle for individual responsibility going on. There is an agreement for division of labour but as the child grows up and everyone goes back to work, there is that constant back and forth battle of whose duty should be what.

Someone once said to me, "constant forgiveness is like stabbing yourself continuously with the same knife." What's the point? Well, firstly, if you were the one who went wrong, wouldn't you want to be forgiven? Secondly, we don't always understand fully the reason why people do the things they do and it is human nature to go wrong though forgiving doesn't always mean going back, it just means letting go of the pain and hatred inside us so we can move on in this short life we live. Forgiving is not forgetting cause if you forget, you are likely to repeat the same mistake. To forgive when wronged is very hard and it takes time but learn your own way of doing it, learn to forgive cause you might need someone to forgive you someday.